.sunny.days.revisited.multiply.edition.

I've never really thought of myself as beautiful. People often tell me I'm cute, but I'm not convinced that they're referring to my looks.

I'm not saying this because I feel insecure (but I do feel that somewhat), but because that's what I think --- that I'm not beautiful. But I don't think I'm ugly... just not beautiful.

It's not that I'm worried of what other people think, it's simply the matter of what I think of myself. It's not that the thought makes me depressed, it's just that I find it weird. I mean, I want to be beautiful -- but also I am thankful I am not.

I'm even surprised some guys found me attractive, and even more that I have a boyfriend who loves me and thinks I'm beautiful. Some people tell me I'm pretty. But I look at myself in the mirror and in my pictures and still think I'm not beautiful.

It's like, beautiful is too feminine a word for the likes of me. I'd probably fit 'cute' because it can be ambiguous --- a lot of things can be cute.

Anyway I'm still a bit confused, and I'm not even sure I made a post out of this..  and I'm not imploring people to convince me that I'm beautiful. I just want to pour out the thoughts in my head and the weirdness I feel. I just think that the adjective 'beautiful' isn't fit for someone like me.


But when I finally get the money to get the treatment at Marie France --- now we're talkin. :D ahhahahaahaha~